Grief, Loss and Hope
These days, most of us are experiencing some level of grief. Grief is about loss, and let’s face it, we are all suffering loss at this time. From tragic loss of a loved one, to loss of contact with friends, it is all loss friends. From toddlers, to teens, to mature adults, each of us are moving rapidly between the differing stages of grief.
Grief has five stages according to the experts. We move back and forth between these stages until we land in the “resolution” stage, or acceptance stage. This comes at different times for each of us. Acceptance does not mean we do not feel sad anymore, or we are “ok” with what has happened. For me at least, it is more of a trust thing. With a strong assurance, I trust that my Father knows better than me, and that He will work all things together for good. (Rom. 8:28) It is more about what He wants me to do now, or what can I learn from this.
We find ourselves in historic and extraordinary times. Each of us are experiencing grief on some level. Even my 3 and 5 year old granddaughters are experiencing loss. It could be Denial (“this virus will not affect me”), Anger (“I am being forced to stay at home and miss out on my life”), Bargaining (“please just take this away so we can get back to our normal lives), Sadness (“I can’t take all of this anymore/I feel trapped and burdened”), or Acceptance (“this is happening and I need to figure out how to get through it”).
Whatever stage you are in is just that….the stage you are in. And like most of us, you will move back and forth as you process your feelings. I suggest talking with someone you trust. A chance to express how you are feeling and being validated in your thoughts is immensely cathartic.
At New Life Adoptions, we are very familiar with grief. Many of our clients have experienced loss, or will experience loss at a significant level. Some of our hopeful adoptive families have experienced infertility, and have had to accept that biological children are not part of God’s plan for their family right now, or possibly ever. They have experienced failed IVF procedures, miscarriages, loss of precious life. This is difficult, and life changing for them individually and their marriage.
Our expectant mothers who choose to place their children for adoption experience loss on many levels. Usually, a pregnant women does not make a voluntary adoption plan unless there are circumstances beyond her control which lead her to choose a more stable and loving environment for her child. They may be in difficult places, and desire more for their children. Some expectant mothers make an adoption plan early on, and continue their pregnancy anticipating the loss and grief that will come after the birth. We spend a considerable amount of time preparing her for this loss, and continue many weeks after placement in grief counseling and care for her. Other times, some have been in denial of their pregnancy, and call us from the hospital after the birth to make an adoption plan. The realities of a new life force her to make difficult decisions. Either way, loss and grief are in play.
Our desire for each of our clients is to see Jesus working in their lives through it all. There is grief, but there is hope! Hope in getting to resolution through trusting there is a God who sees us, knows us, and loves us unconditionally. That He truly is working all things together for our good. That with His help, we may come to peace and resolution. Through it all, we must place our trust and hope in Him.
— Sandi Pickett, Executive Director