Experience with Open Adoption: Perspectives of Birth Moms – Part 1

I recently conducted a survey for New Life’s birth moms, of the women who participated, all said that they have an open adoption with their child and/or their child’s adoptive family. They also all shared that they are happy with their level of openness, and wouldn’t want that to change.

As one birth mom recalled, “Early in the child’s life, building boundaries is important, but at some point, allowing the child to develop their own relationship with the birth parents has been really rewarding for all of us.” While another birth mom stated, “The depth of [our] relationship grew to the amount of openness there is now.” All relationships take time and trust has to be built. It is no different when it comes to relationships in the open adoption triad.

One survey question asked, “What is something from your open adoption experience that you would share with expectant moms considering making an adoption plan for their child?” To which a birth mom answered, “The adoptive families are truly so thankful for the decision you’ve made. Because of the mutual respect I [and] the adoptive family have for one another, we’re to a point now where the ‘child’ sends texts to me directly as often as they want.” Another birth mom answered, “I would recommend keeping open communication with your counselor and to go to the birth mom support groups. I felt so supported and seen while going through the adoption process and never felt pressured to place my [child] for adoption either.”

These birth moms can attest that open adoption is hard, and there is a time of grieving after placement. However, over time and with support, healing is possible. Ultimately, these moms have come to a place of resolution, where they can clearly see that choosing adoption was the best decision they could have made for their child. They are able to see what a wonderful life they’d chosen for their child through openness.

— Asheton Kendrick (Expectant and Birth Parent Counselor)