Advice to Adoptive Parents: Perspectives of Birth Moms, Part 3

In concluding our “Perspectives of Birth Moms” posts, I want to share some advice that birth moms have for adoptive families.

“Give them time. Be supportive of their mental state.” There have been times when I have had birth moms initially say they want a closed adoption. However, once these moms have had time to process everything, they realize that they are ready to see pictures. Then eventually, they’ll be ready to have visits. This doesn’t happen in every instance, but regardless of how long it takes for their child’s birth mom to come around, it is important for adoptive families to have patience with them in the meantime.

“Please understand how deeply painful the decision to place your child is every day for the rest of a birth mother’s life.” Although we’ve mentioned birth parents coming to a place of resolution and acceptance in the grieving process of adoption, they will never forget the pain of their experience, nor will they ever forget their child. In some closed adoptions, adoptees or adoptive parents may feel that their birth mom has forgotten about them or doesn’t care, but nothing could be further from the truth. Every birth mom has made her decision out of sacrificial love for their child, or as one birth mom told me once, breaking her own heart for what was best for her child.

“Love her, encourage her, support her. She chose life and she chose you.” This statement speaks for itself. Adoptive parents are parents to their child because of their birth mom’s decision. There is nothing more precious than the gift of life, and for that, we thank birth moms.

Read Part 1 here

Read Part 2 here

–Asheton Kendrick (Birth Parent and Expectant Parent Counselor)