When you’re raising other children, an unexpected pregnancy can be overwhelming or even frightening. You may already be stretched for time and finances. How can you raise another child?
We understand. In fact, many women who choose adoption are already raising other children. They want the best for all their children and realize they don’t have the resources to add another at this time.
So, how do you make an adoption plan without possibly creating confusion with those already in your home? Here are a few suggestions to help you navigate the subject.
Meet With an Adoption Agency First
Before you begin talking with your children about placing your baby for adoption, you need to be confident it’s the right path for you.
Learn as much as you can about the adoption process so you’re prepared to answer questions. If possible, begin talking about adoption during your pregnancy. It will take time for your children to understand.
Honesty Is the Best Policy
You’ll need to assure the children you’re currently raising that nothing will change for them. Be truthful. Explain in an age-appropriate manner that you love all of your children, even this baby.
It will take time for them to understand what adoption means.
By choosing an open or semi-open adoption plan, you can begin talking about the adoptive couple once you are matched. Share their profile so that your children know who will be raising their sibling.
These adoption plans also give you the freedom to meet the adoptive parents before your baby is born. You can include your other children if you think they’re old enough.
Use Age-Appropriate Resources
Adoption can be a confusing subject. Be aware of your child’s emotions and give them the freedom to express their sadness or concern.
Let them know that placing their sibling for adoption is a difficult decision, but doing something hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. If your children are young, you could read age-appropriate adoption stories. Books are an excellent conversation starter. You could also use their stuffed animals to do a little role-playing.
If they are older, consider letting your children be a part of the process. Older children can also help you select the adoptive family. As the expectant mother or birth mother, you have the option of choosing the family, and older kids may want to help.
Use Correct Adoption Language
Unfortunately, many people refer to adoption as “giving up” your baby; that is incorrect! You are making an adoption plan and choosing to place your baby for adoption.
Involve Them In the Placement
When it comes time for your baby to be placed with their adoptive family, let your child or children draw pictures, send a letter along, or purchase a special toy or stuffed animal. It may be a difficult time for everyone, but you can lean on each other (and New Life).
Let them ask questions. They need to know it’s okay to be sad, but with photos and letters, and an ongoing relationship, you will all see how loved and happy their sibling is.
How Can We Help You?
The team at New Life Adoptions understands the complexities of adoption when you have other children. Our adoption specialists have supported many mothers who have chosen to place another child with an adoptive family.
Let us help you do the same. Fill out our confidential online contact form, and we’ll be in touch soon. You and all of your children matter to us. We’re here for you.